Monsters
by CaseyRachel88
Summary: The BAU team ponders the question: what would it take for each of them to become like the UnSubs they track down?


Author: CaseyRachel88

Title: Monsters

Rating: M

Summary: The BAU team ponders the question: what would it take for each of them to become like the UnSubs they track down?

**Story Notes:**  
I do not own Criminal Minds, or any of the characters therein. This story is done for enjoyment only, and no profit is being made (because even a psychopath is not crazy enough to pay me to write!).

**Author's Notes:**  
This is my first Criminal Minds fanfiction, and only my second fanfiction work ever, so any reviews or feedback would be more than welcome and appreciated! I'm still fairly new to Criminal Minds (I'm working my way through Season Three right now) so I am not an expert – we can't all be like Reid, right? – so if there is something wrong or needs correcting, feel free to tell me! =)

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"_He who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster."_

_-Friedrich Nietzsche_

They've all thought about it.

Hell, with everything they'd been through and seen, it'd be a miracle if it never crossed their minds.

None of them talk about it, or even mention it out loud because they each are individually certain that the rest of the team would not be able to understand; they themselves don't understand why they considered the question in the first place. Yet the question whispers in the back of their minds after particularly brutal cases and it practically screams at them when they wake up from the nightmares that leave them yelling for backup and reaching for the guns they do not wear while sleeping.

What would it take for them to become like killers that they all track down?

Reid knows that if it were him, the schizophrenia would be the cause. God knows he can barely kill a bug; he would be unable to murder an innocent person in his right mind. Shooting an UnSub is different, especially if it is in defense, but if the schizophrenia took him… He also likes to think that he would leave clues as to who his next victim would be, in order for someone to figure them out and stop him. Reid suspects that his messages would probably be references to obscure old book passages, because that is the most Spencer-like thing to do. While it is one of his deepest fears, he also only hopes that if the schizophrenia takes hold, someone would be there to commit him to a sanatorium like he did for his own mother, before he can hurt anyone. Spencer Reid does not want to be a monster.

Morgan knows that if it were him, it would be because something happened to his family. If someone killed his mother or sisters or even someone in his B.A.U. family – Morgan is wise enough to know he could easily tip over the edge. It wouldn't be from mental illness or a psychotic break, but rather from sheer rage. He knows that if an UnSub were to hurt his family, Morgan would hunt him, find him, and then kill him… And after he started – well, he is not entirely sure he would be able to stop. He would become the killer who cleans house: he would take out the people who kill families and prey on children. He would never harm someone who was innocent. Derek Morgan does not want to be a monster.

Prentiss knows that if it were her, it would be because of a psychotic break. She has always been able to compartmentalize everything extraordinarily well: even when she first started at the B.A.U., the team had been surprised with how well she handled the horrors the job entailed. But if those lines, those compartments, were to be blurred – she was fairly certain that her mind would not be able to cope, and God only knows what the consequences would be. Her kills would be calculated and orderly. There would be no messy blood and gore. She would leave the scene immaculate, possibly more so than when she arrived. Every day when she leaves the B.A.U. to return home, she reaffirms those compartments within her mind. Emily Prentiss does not want to be a monster.

Garcia knows that if it were her, it would be because of she has become cynical to the world. The decorations in her office, the banter she exchanges with the team and her crazy fashion keep her spirits bright when the images splay across computer monitors kill her morale. If she ever was to lose sight of her reason for doing what she does… Her kills would be against the repeat offenders who target kids. It is only too easy for her to figure out which repeat offenders are involved with child pornography again, and then cross reference it for an address. She would kill with a single bullet to the head, execution style; Garcia would set their computers to display the individual's downloaded child porn pictures to ensure the cops know the motives for the killings. Garcia constantly adds new photos and colorful toys to her office to remind herself of all the joys and smiles the world still offers. Penelope Garcia does not want to be a monster.

JJ knows that if it were her, it would be because she gave up hoping to even make a dent in the tide of evil that floods her when on the job. She is the one who shifts through the dozens and dozens of requests that ask for aid for the B.A.U.; she is the one who must decide which horrors are worst before giving the most heinous file to the team to profile. Her choices decide who gets help first, and if she gave up the hope that her choices can make a difference… She expects that she would kill when the team is drowning in all the bureaucratic tape, when they have the UnSub cornered in a house with a victim and they can't get a warrant to enter. She would simply storm the house, guns blazing. She would take out the UnSub only. No one else would get hurt. Jennifer Jareau does not want to be a monster.

Hotch knows that if it were him¸ it would be because he has nothing else to live for. He has his son, his career¸ and all the lives he has saved and rescued that can be counted to his credit, but if those were to disappear… He would be the killer that would show remorse as soon as the act had been done, probably injecting himself within the investigation. The people would not be tortured, and their bodies would not be mutilated. Hotch knows he is methodical – his kills would be no less, each exact and leaving no evidence to tie him back to the deaths. He would only be caught with the help of an insightful profile, possibly one that he himself helped create. Hotch hugs his son at every opportunity, as a reminder of why he does his job: for his son's safety, and the safety of other innocents. Aaron Hotchner does not want to be a monster.

Gideon is the only one who does not know what it would take, because he never intends to let it happen. He keeps a revolver in a case hidden below the bed in his apartment, and a second one locked away in his cabin. He thinks of them as his contingency plan: should he ever become so disillusioned, cynical or hopeless that he believes he might consider murdering someone, then he will put a bullet through his brain. Gideon has his job because of his ability to understand how others think; he can understand the inner workings of his own mind just as well. He knows that if he were to ever be prepared to kill someone in cold blood, he would turn in his badge and gun, and then end his life. Jason Gideon does not want to be a monster.

Fueled by their fears, beliefs, passions, and duties, the B.A.U. team operates as a family. Everyone has a place and each one is a valuable member. Together, they catch the bad guys; together, they are the dam that holds back the insanity so others may sleep at night in peace. But it is individually that they fight their demons: mental illness, maintaining hope, having someone to fight for. Personal demons that can only be handled personally. It is individually that they each dream dreams and nightmares, and it is individually that they each pray to never become like the UnSubs they pursue as a team. They never say it out loud or talk about it, but every time they face humanity's worst, there is a single common thought running through the mind of each individual on the Behavioral Analysis Unit: _I do not want to be a monster._

"_Character isn't inherited. One builds it daily by the way one thinks and acts, thought by thought, action by action. If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind, they become self-forged chains."_

—_Helen Gahagan Douglas_


End file.
